I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So squirting runs in the family.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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