If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
