"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
