none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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