It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
