Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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