oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
