i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
