You don't have asthma, your pregnant
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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