You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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