yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
