I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
