I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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