I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
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when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
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