Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
