So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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