my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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