just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
