if you like me you must not know who I am
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
