I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
