I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize