Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
