I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
