$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
