she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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