so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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