After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
