If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
