i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Randomize
