we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
