on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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