turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
