Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
