Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
