I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
