i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
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Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
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Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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