You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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