my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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