I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
