She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
