You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
