4 words: hood of his car
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
