I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
