sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
