I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
