There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
