I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
