u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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