So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
