member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You're breaking my sexual little heart
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
