I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
