Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This is the high leading the old right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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