Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
