Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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