$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
