separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
