My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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