oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
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Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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