he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
