everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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