My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
