Pants 0. Shit 1.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize